Thursday, April 12, 2007

NaPoWriMo #10 (and Poetry Thursday)

For today's poem, I have managed to use the daily prompt "breathless", along with a line left by a Poetry Thursday participant, Megan for the weekly prompt ("but we're used to it"), and then for good measure, I added an ending that uses one of my favourite words, "meniscus".

I had planned to ignore the daily prompt in favour of doing the weekly prompt to use someone else's line, but when I saw Megan's line and started figuring out how to use it, I realised that "breathless" fitted right in. Thanks Megan!

Untitled

There isn't much romance here
but we're used to it. We have settled
into the packets of our lives,
space at the top showing how there used to be
more air. But the weight is the same.
I do his banking, fetch the drycleaning,
post his letters. He knows what to do
when a child wakes in the night
breathless and wheezing. You can't eat kisses.
We are practical people. We may not be sure
whether the glass is half full
or half empty, but we do know
how to read the water level
from the bottom of the meniscus.

21 comments:

Crafty Green Poet said...

This is excellent Catherine. The sadness of the acceptance of too ordinary lives.

Beaman said...

I like this. Short, sweet and perfectly wrapped. Your sentences have been structured quite wonderfully which makes reading easy and interesting. Great subject matter too. Well done!

gautami tripathy said...

The acceptance of the everyday, mundane existance has been worked very well in here.

Clockworkchris said...

So many wonderful lines. The beginning and ending were wonderful but I really liked the idea of "packets of our lives" and "you can't eat kisses." Everything went together so well. Excellent job with the prompt.

Anonymous said...

I too love the word meniscus. I appreciate this poem a great deal.

Mistie

megan said...

Thanks for using my line. I'm fascinated by the way this sharing of lines connects disparate thoughts, but here's my favorite part: I currently have a torn meniscus in my left knee. Life is full of amazement. If that's not enough...your poem is good. It feels compact, but not crowded...something like a sturdy, not-so-tall tree...something like a solid, practical, functional relationship. So well done!

Jone said...

Ifelt the sadness of this poem. I also used Megan's line as well as your line. the word "meniscus" is on my silly word list on my school blog. Love the way it sounds.

Brian said...

Resignation and despair, the cousins to romance and love. Great job with the line and your poem.

Jan said...

That's the secret...reading right the water level!
A thoughtful poem, Catherine; Thankyou.

bookbinds said...

There is a lingering sadness to this poem. The calm acceptance of the monotony of their lives is nicely portrayed.

jim said...

Catherine:

I wanted to give you thanks for your line which I used for this week's prompt. I hope it's worthy.

Oh, I laughed at the last line, in a really good way, just the sheer audacity of that word "meniscus," after everyline above was so understated, ordinary, and fitting (which takes great discipline). The poem turns so smartly on that word, that exotic thing amid all the pragmaticism, suggesting a spirited poetry lives even there, even in the hum-drummy hum-drum.

pepektheassassin said...

Practical people don't write poems like this! Fine work!

Dick Jones said...

Romance out of rationality - quite an achievement!

poet with a day job said...

you absolutely rocked this poem today! It's really well done, and I am totally smitten by it.

wendy said...

I eat kisses all the time..they are chocolate!!

all kidding aside, i liked the honesty and the sad comfort of this poem.

...deb said...

"space at the top showing how there used to be/ more air. But the weight is the same." is absolutely brilliant. wow.

Rethabile said...

Wonderfully done. Bravo. This: "We have settled into the packets of our lives," is excellent.

Dana said...

Meniscus! My favorite word. I love the packets imagery. You are doing great with your NaPoWriMos!

Pip said...

Does incorporating the daily and weekly prompts into one poem count as double dipping. I loved the packet reference, and your throwing in of yet another juicy word at the end.

writerwoman said...

You can't eat kisses.

That line makes the poem for me. It says it all. Wonderful turn of phrase.

Colorful Prose said...

Hits too close to home...Ouch.